Sunday, June 27, 2010

Beginning of ms journey.

Hebrews 11:1 What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see.
Faith is believing before you can see it.
I always thought that I would give my healing testimony once I actually felt healed.
What I see is pain in my body, I cannot run, I am off balance and weak. I have scarring in my brain and probably my spine. I have swelling in my feet and numb hands. That is what I see.
What I hope for is a completely restored, painfree and healthy body. I believe that God heals ALL diseases. Jesus was wounded that I might be healed.
That is the Word I am standing on.
I was diagnosed Sept 15, 1998. This was 10 years after I was hit head on by a drunk driver. I believe that accident accelerated the attack of ms in my body. I was diagnosed in the afternoon. That evening I started training to be a Stephens minister at church. A ministry to learn how to help hurting people. That was the beginning of God's provision through this journey.
The first year after the dx I was depressed, shocked. I felt as if I had a huge MS stamped on my forehead. People didn't know what to say or how to react. I had to learn to adjust to looks of pity, silence or horror stories from others who just needed to share. Stories about an aunt or cousin with ms, how bad they got and how fast.
We left a church that we had attended for 10 years. I couldn't take the pity, lack of encouragement or lack of faith. That church had been like family to us.
I was angry and done with church. I told God ' I am not going anywhere, unless You show me' That next week there was an article about a church, held in my old high school. I felt drawn to go there, but planning on staying in the background.
Year two- I became feisty again! I thought I could overcome this. That, I realized later was pride. A good part of this year is that I learned to set boundaries. I separated from people who were unable to accept the illness or my limitations. This opened doors for me to find people who truly loved me.
Year three- I started growing in my faith. I asked God to take everything that I thought that I knew about Him, and to fill me with the truth. I learned that Jesus never turned away anyone who came to Him for healing. Many times it was his compassion or their faith that made them well. He never said 'go and suffer more, learn a lesson and then I might heal you'. He is the same yesterday, today and forever.
I am in year 10 now since the diagnosis. I am still trusting God to heal me- and doing all that I can to get well.
A scripture that I love and keeps me strong
2Cor 1: 8b-9
We were crushed and completely overwhelmed and thought that we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die.
But as a result we learned not to rely on ourselves, but on God who can raise the dead.

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